I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them. Isaiah 42:16
I was in a pit of despair. The lowest of lows in my little mind. I had made some terrible mistakes. I had been involved in a sinful and secretive life. My marriage was dissolving. I was realizing how battered I was. I had lost friends. My family was questioning me and my decisions. Except for a few friends and my counselor, I felt like the whole world was against me. I wondered if the sun would ever shine in my life again. I didn’t know how it would. My life had been dark for so long I didn’t know if it were even possible to see light again. I was in too deep. There was no way out.
This is me just three years ago. I knew in my mind that God was there. Somewhere. But I wondered if I would ever find Him. I wondered if I would ever see His light again.
As I reflect on reasons why there is darkness in someone’s life, I believe there are two reasons the sun might not be shining.
1. Sometimes bad things just happen to people who are living the best they know how in God’s graces. Like the story of Job in the Bible, there’s no good reason it seems for the trials. It just is. It’s hard to understand sometimes but resting in the fact that God has it all under control and trusting that good will come of it is the best way to cope.
2. You have made bad decisions in your life and are living through the consequences of those decisions.
The reason the sun was not shining for me is primarily because of bad decisions on my part. There were some things out of my control that just happened to add to the misery I was already in, but my decisions had landed me in a place in which I was very deep in the pit of despair and darkness.
I started to realize how much my actions had affected where I was in life at that moment.
(It starts small and you think it’s no big deal… but sin has a way of building and building and you don’t even realize what’s happening. It only takes a series of small decisions to eventually lead to disaster). My sin had led me to continual suffering and the weight of it was on my shoulders.
Over the course of the next three years, I allowed God to start working in me. It took baby steps and failed attempts at learning how to live life again with Him in the lead. I wanted to return to the God of my childhood. I wanted to bask in the glory of His light once again. It had been so very long and I sincerely and passionately longed for it to return.
After giving it all over to Him again and living life on my own for a while, God started showing me glimpses of His light again. Even though there were clouds still thick above me, the sun was starting to shine again. I could see it peeking through the clouds. I was grateful for it because it had been so long.
I am newly married and we were on my honeymoon last month flying to our destination. My thoughtful husband instructed me to look out of the window, then told me “The clouds are below us but the sun always shines up here.” Wow! I just sat in deep thought for quite some time letting that sink in.
Let this sink in for you…
Above the clouds, the sun is ALWAYS shining. No matter the cloud cover that we may see from the ground, the brightness of the sun is always there. We just may not see it at the time.
I look back on my life and see how much this is true. Though I felt like the sun was no longer there, it really was. It was just waiting for the perfect moment to peek through the clouds. I was needing to change and needing to be refined by fire. What happened to me and because of my actions was a catalyst of change and I wouldn’t change it for anything. I am a better person because of it.
Sometimes, we go through darkness for reasons that we do not know. Sometimes it’s clear to us later in life. Sometimes, it’s not. But God is always there, even if we may not see Him at the moment.
If things are rough in your life, know that the light will shine again. It’s there, above the clouds, just waiting to shine in all its glory into our lives. Believe it! That hope can take you a long way in your journey.