Daily Living / God's Grace

The Sacrificial Broken Spirit

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise. Psalm 51:17

I have been blessed to have found not one, but two great church families that have been my home in recent periods of my life. One church is very special to me because it was the place I began to heal after my divorce. These people walked beside me, counseled me, mentored me, and were my friends. They have a very special place in my heart and I am so grateful for their love and support.

It was also a special place for me because it was in this church that I met my current husband. For a year and a half, my kids and I worshipped alone. One day, he decided to visit with his two daughters and we met (the beginning of a beautiful love story 😉 ) We continued attending together until we were almost married. At this point, we wanted to find a church closer to our home and in our own town. However, as time went by, we believed God was leading us to a church where neither of us had any previous history or leftover baggage despite where it was located. Since God had given us a new and fresh start in almost every other area of our lives, we wanted our new family to experience the same fresh beginning at a different place of worship.

After months of attending some really great churches, we finally found where God was calling us. From the first time we attended New Life Church, we truly felt peace and knew then that this is where He wanted us. We love it! And our children have loved it since the first day there!

With this church, I have cried many tears. I am overwhelmed at God’s love and mercy towards me and I feel His presence so near to me during the services. As I lift my hands in praise to Him, He reminds me of who He created me to be. He reminds me that I am beautiful. And wanted. I love Him for it. I love Him for the work He is doing in me.

And then there is the sermon. Our pastor is such a unique individual. He is funny on stage, purposeful in his delivery, and an amazing speaker. But above all, His love for Jesus shines as bright as any I’ve seen and he has a heart to reach people in all areas of life. I have grown to quickly love him and his wife, as has my family.

During one of these services, (remember I cry often), one of my sons looked over at me and said, “Mom, why do you always cry? Aren’t you happy?” I almost laughed out loud!

The truth is: my spirit is broken. I am crying because I am thankful for Him and His sacrifice. I am thankful for His forgiveness. I am thankful for grace. I am thankful that He saw beauty in me when there was none and that He brought me up out of a miry pit. I want to keep that broken spirit, because it is my sacrifice to Him. It is my way of showing Him my gratitude. It’s like when someone goes out of their way to do something meaningful for you and you just can’t thank them enough TIMES A THOUSAND.

Many see tears as a sign of weakness. But if my tears are a sign of my broken spirit in adoration of Him and is a sacrifice to the One who gave His life for me, then I am not weak. I am strong through Him. I pray that never changes. I pray my heart never grows cold again. For some, tears may not be the sign of a broken spirit, but for me, it is one way that my broken spirit is manifested.

God has given me a great church family with whom I can be myself. I cry in almost every service at some point. And I worship a God that can see through to my heart despite what others may “see”. He knows my heart’s desire is to worship and follow Him. I still fail Him every day but I will continue to keep striving to be more like Jesus.

Is your spirit broken? Do you feel God tugging on your heart to bring you to a point of complete and total surrender? I promise you, it is the best move you could ever make and you will not regret it! With Him at the center of your life, there is nothing you cannot do.

If you need prayer or someone to talk to, please email me at livingtransparently@yahoo.com. I’d be happy to pray for you! If you live in my area and are looking for a church family, come visit us at New Life Church. And if you see a woman with hands raised, tears in her eyes and a smile on her face, it just might be me.

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