My back’s up against the wall. I see no way out. I feel as if the oxygen in the room is leaving as quickly as a criminal leaves a crime scene. My world is falling apart and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I’ve kicked and cried and screamed for way too long. But it doesn’t help. I can barely breathe now and the fighting fire has left me. What do I do now? I can’t live like this but I don’t know how to escape it. I look around me and see the chains. They are thick and entangled around me. The weight of them causes me to fall on my face. My face is now bleeding but I don’t even care. I don’t care about anything. I am hopeless. Why am I even here? Why do I even keep trying? It’s more than I can handle.
Suddenly I see a light in the distance. It is coming towards me and I am afraid. What now? What pain will I have to endure next? Hasn’t there been enough?
As the light gets closer however, I start to relax. It’s beginning to wash over me with a calm I haven’t felt in a long time. And then I see Him. The light is so bright I can barely make Him out at first but it is the figure of a man. His face… oh, His face. It looks at me with more love than I have ever seen. This man, who sees me at my worst in this moment, who sees me in this darkness and bondage. My hair is disheveled, my clothes are torn and my eyes are wild. Yet, there’s something about Him that draws me in. I can’t take my eyes off of HIm. Our eyes are locked and He gently speaks. “My daughter, my beautiful daughter, I see that you have yourself in quite a mess. Your actions have caused you to be so bound by the weight and chains of sin that you are now beyond recognition by others. But I see you. I see inside to the person I created you to be. And you are beautiful.”
As I lay there on the floor, in my worst moment, He just called me beautiful. How is this? I recognize Him. Do I know him? As I look at Him and hear Him speak to me, His voice is familiar as well. It’s all coming back. The good times we spent together. I’m starting to remember the closeness we once shared. He was my Father and I followed Him.
What had happened to me? I didn’t plan for this to happen. Will He ever forgive me?
“Yes,” He said. “I will forgive you. I already have.”
“I never meant for this to happen.” I told Him. You see, this didn’t just happen in an instant. It started with one decision. One decision that veered off the narrow path just a little. And then another and another. Each time, it was only a small thing. “No big deal,” I told myself.
With tears streaming down my face, I told Him that I was wrong and all the things that had landed me in this place. This place of bondage. He listened so intently and I knew that He still loved me. I told Him that I didn’t know how it could happen, but I wanted Him in my life again. I wanted to be free again.
With love in His eyes, He explained that He paid the price for my freedom a long time ago. He told me that I could be free and have a relationship with Him once again. And I’ll never forget it when He said, “Daughter, your faith has made you whole. Go and sin no more.”
Immediately, my chains disintegrated. He gave me a new set of clothes and filled me with hope. He wiped my tears and gave me a new name. He told me that I was His and that no power of darkness would ever have a hold on me again. He told me to look up and keep my eyes firmly planted on Him.
I conceded. I could not live without Him another day in my life.
Jesus, I will forever praise Your name for Your hand in my life. Thank you for freeing me from a life of sin and breaking my chains forever. You are the true Healer and have healed my hardened heart. Please continue working on me and molding me into the person you created me to be. I know that you want what’s best for me and because you know the future, know exactly what that is. Please help me to continue trusting you with my life and to remember what happened when I took my life into my own hands, not to criticize myself, but only to remember that my best path is the one you have for me. I love you Father and I will never leave you again. ~Angie